SS#71 - Decision

Decision. A resolution, a choice made, a dedication to an action.

My decision has been to quit smoking again. It is the only domination I currently possess over my own health. I suffer no angst over this choice, nor do I have any trepidation. I think it neither exhilarating nor a choice to be celebrated.

In actuality I am so ill with whatever infection or flu grasps my body that the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal add little to my plight. It is a sad state of affairs when one meets “the urge to light up” with a lackadaisical “oh well, I don’t care” response. The nicotine patch makers suggest writing a list of positive aspects in order to inspire the smoker in their endeavor. Saving money and not having “smelly clothing and hair” is hardly inspirational to me. I take solace in the verity of my throat hurting less at the moment.

Please do not think that I am taking my decision nonchalantly; I simply don’t make a grand production of it. If I convince myself that I will become irritable and bitchy, have bad cravings and the inability to function normally my body will surely cue in on that mental state and provide me with all those reasons to sway me from my effort. Instead I approach it as “this won’t be easy but can be done” and then allocate my time to better measures such as enjoying my orange juice, spending time with Better Half and allowing my body to heal from the infection.

Yesterday was my first cigarette-free day. I had little trouble with it. I believe this is partly due to my own willpower; I was able to shrug off the habitual cravings generated by activities that trigger lighting up. I routinely smoke while I drive and take small smoke breaks while waiting for Better Half to finish up with the Pittsburgh VAMC clinics. I smoke as I work on the computer. I coped with these urges (there were very few, actually) by sucking on a cough drop.

I can not claim that I will be successful in my decision, but I will not punish myself if I should fall short of my goal. I have learned to take life one day at a time and this liberty allows me to reduce the amount of stress in my life.

9 responded with...:

khambagirl said...

Good luck with this very important decision. And in those weak moments, please ask yourself, "What am I fuming about?"

Redness said...

Excellent decision! ... once the urge of the hand to mouth action subsides the rest is easy! Twelve years on for me - loving it, you will too!

Stacy said...

Good Luck!

paris parfait said...

Oh, no - to be ill and to stop smoking at the same time? Undoubtedly an unpleasant experience. But good for you for making the effort to kick the habit. And since they're doubling the tax per package (bill passed just this week), you will save even more money and better health would be a bonus, right? As for me, must give up cookies!

paisley said...

i am one of the only smokers left in my part of the world.. or so it seems... and i just cannot find it in me to say good bye...

i wish you strength and serenity,, as those are the things i lack most in that area....

Patois said...

A grand decision. One I have made myself many times. This last one took. I've replaced a bad smoking habit with a bad blogging one. Good luck to you!

Gemma said...

You have made the right decision. It is difficult....just stay with it...the desire for a ciggerette only lasts a few seconds....tough it out it is so worth it to breathe!!! (I smoked over 1/2 my life) Love being nicotine free!!!!

Marie said...

I love your attitude - it's not easy, but it can be done. It's a healthy way to approach it without all the negative feelings. Go for it!

gautami tripathy said...

Keep saying, you can do it and you will...