Email

There are some things that no one should look upon at the start of their day: Dead baby ducklings that have been flattened by an asphalt truck, frock-clad psychopaths named Norman, and anything with Paris Hilton’s quickly decaying face plastered onto it would all be prime examples of Things I Do Not Wish To See.

Ah Paris, that hopeless twit. How maddening it must have been for her when she first learned that self-run sperm banks do not qualify for bailouts. No matter, deposits still taken daily!

As I was saying, there are some things that no one should have to endure. My personal hell arrived in the form of 293 email.


293?

Really, that’s a bit much.

I had only one piece of spam email. Just the one.

I had forty-three joke email (none were funny) and a plethora of “cc” email from a friend who feels I must be “CCed” on every bit of mail that leaves the desktop. “Oh Aut, you’ve been CCed on this,” she’ll gaily chirp. CCed? Is that proper grammar? I don’t think so.

We had a discussion about it not so long ago. She wanted to know if I received her “CC”. I ventured to ask her, “when you say that in your head, does it come out as “SeeSee” or as something else?”

“SeeSee, silly. What do you say?”

“I say carbon copy,” I reply flatly.

Speaking of overly abbreviated wordage, TXT and TXT IM really rip the alligator off my Lacoste. It isn’t that I do not understand it (please, darlings, Auntie Aut was warbling Leetspeak while you were just a gamete in your daddy’s… we won’t go there.) Many of the TXT fiends can’t actually spell in the English language or present a thought using actual words.

DIA - Darwin in action. I find it humorous when some silly twit races by me on the interstate, thumb frantically working as he awkwardly holds a device and hammers out a message. Survival of the fittest, I say; the stupid always die before properly breeding. We can only pray that the fellow doesn’t take out a school bus.

I have become very lazy with my own writing but this isn’t due to texting. I’ve been lazy. I’ve lost my polish. Frankly, I don’t care about this one. After all, my days are spent answering copious amounts of email, most of which isn’t even intended for me. There is an AnnieElf email or two tucked in that pile, I’m certain of it. I probably have Ox Surgical Updates. I am hoping that I have a small note from Michael letting me know that he’s come back from Cuba unscathed. My mother never sends me email so I needn’t worry about that.

Ah well - GOI, Aut. IADIEH.

TFLMS,

@µtr:©e


PS yes it is a new template

As for those codes
GOI: get over it
IADIEH: it’s another day in email hell
TFLMS: thanks for letting me share