Ren and Stimpy Scripts by Mike Bunker
Stimpy's Invention
Ren on couch reading newspaper, Stimpy walks in with box.Stimpy: "Hey, Re-en!"
Ren: "What?"
Stimpy: "Will you help me try out my new inventions?"
Ren: "Go away, I'm busy!"
Stimpy: "Come on, Ren! I need your help! Oh PLEASE!"
Ren: "Huh? Uh, all right, all right, sure."
Stimpy perks up.
Shot of Ren's face.
Ren: "All right, Stimpy. I'm losing my patience! Let's get this over with!"
Stimpy: "Ahem. Ladies and gents, I give you... the Cheese-O-Phone! Now we can talk to cheese, anywhere in the world, regardless of their foreign tongues! Uh, go ahead Ren. Say something in... limburger."
Stimpy gets hit in the face with a piece of cheese, half of phone lands nearby.
Ren standing. Stimpy is rummaging through a box that says 'Invinshins'
Ren: "Will you hurry so I can finish my paper?"
Stimpy: Farts. "Check this out, Ren. It's a remote control shaver. Now you can get a clean, close shave, without even being there! Ob-ser-uv!" Presses a button on a remote control. Buzzing sound is heard.
Ren: "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! You-" Ren pauses as part of his belly fur is shaved away. The rest is shaved and then he turns around as his back is shaved. Stimpy plays around with the controls for a bit more, then Ren walks on screen with most of his fur shaved off.
Ren: "Yooooouuuu!"
Stimpy: Holds up a box and says "Here, Ren, for you!"
Ren: "Oh. What is it?"
Stimpy: "Go ahead, open it!"
Ren: Opens box and takes out pair of socks. "What are they?"
Stimpy: "They're my latest invention. Stay put socks, they never fall down."
Ren: "Say, now that's a good idea! Especially for those of us who don't wear clothes!" Ren jumps into socks with a -squish-. "Why, it's amazing! How do they work?"
Stimpy: "They're full of glue!"
Glue bubbles over the edge of the socks. Ren's mouth collapses, then he grimaces and starts sweating and shaking. Stimpy: "I'm so glad you like them, Ren! Wait here, I'll go get the stay put hat and raincoat!"
Ren: Grabs at Stimpy "You filthy swine! I will kill you!" He grunts and strains but only knocks the super-heavy socks over. He grunts and twists on the floor for a bit until Stimpy comes back.
Stimpy: "Say, what's the matter, Ren? Say... you don't suppose...
The next scene is a collaboration of clips of Stimpy working in his lab. There is no dialogue. They have jokes such as Stimpy working on something with a screwdriver and it turns out he's picking at his fingernail with it, or he drinks his own sweat that has collected in his goggles. Finally, Stimpy perks up and says Eureka!
Ren on the couch again. Stimpy off to side.
Stimpy: "Re-en!"
Ren: "What?"
Stimpy: "Are you feeling any better?"
Ren: "No I'm not feeling any better. Wait! What are you up to?"
Stimpy: Holds something behind his back and says "Oh, no-othing."
Ren: "What have you got behind your back? You're hiding something from me... aren't you? What is it you're hiding? All right let's see it, okay, hand it over!"
Stimpy: Quickly slams the Happy Helmet onto Ren.
Ren: "Hey! What is this thing? Get it off of me!"
Stimpy: "It's the happy helmet, Ren. Now you'll always be happy! And this is the remote control. And I use this dial to control how happy you are!"
Ren: "You sick little monkey! Why I oughta-"
Stimpy pushes a button on the remote control and Ren freezes. His mouth curves into a smile and he tries to fight it.
Stimpy: "Hey, it works!" He pushes the button again. This continues for a few more times.
Ren: "No! Got to fight it! Can't lose control! Will strong.... body weak....."
Finally Ren snaps and becomes insanely happy.
Ren: "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA, ha ha ha ha! Stimpy, I'm so - happy! I must - go - do nice - things! Hee hee he hee hee, ha ha ha hahaaaa!"
Ren walks off, doing this weird walking thing where he moves his chest forward then the rest of his body catches up.
Ren is at an ironing board ironing underwear.
Ren: "So - happy - ironing... for STIMPY! Ha ha ha ha ha haaa!" Ren takes the underwear off the board and gives it to Stimpy, who presses it against his body instead of putting it on. It sticks on to him as he walks away.
In bathroom. Stimpy's stinky litterbox is nearby.
Ren: "I - must do - wonderful things - for my best - friend - Stimpy!!!" Ren sees the litterbox and puts his finger on it and says "OH - JOY!!! HA HA HA HA HAHAAAAAA!!!" He picks it up and carries it over to a wastebasket. "See how I love to clean - filthy catboxes!" Ren then cleans out the catbox, laughing insanely all the while.
Ren is in bed with posters of cute, fluffy animals all around him. A crash is heard with some beeping. Ren's eyes crack open. Stimpy pulls up in a yellow car outside their house. He appears at the door and says "Oh Re-en! I've got a surprise for you! Hey... maybe Ren is somewhere being sad! I will make him happy again!" Stimpy then grabs the remote and pushes the button. Ren sits bolt upright in bed. Stimpy says "Re-en, oh Re-en!" Then sees Ren at the bottom of the staircase. Ren appears to be trying to strangle Stimpy, but he's too happy.
Stimpy: "Boy, Ren, if you think you're happy now, wait'll you hear this! It's a record of my favorite song! It's called 'Happy Happy Joy Joy'!" Stimpy puts the record in a record player and the song begins... (An mpeg is available at SegaSonic.Net, at the bottom.
Hello, boys and girls! This is your old pal Stinky Wizzleteats! This is a song about a whale! (Stimpy pushes the button and Ren assumes a dance position) NO! This is a song about being happy! (Stimpy jumps into place, They dance to the song) That's right! It's the happy happy joy joy song!
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy
I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to be happy! I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! Now, boys and girls, let's try it again!
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy
(At the last part Ren bounces into the kitchen. He rummages through a drawer and pulls out a hammer and starts to smash the helmet as the last stanza begins) If'n you ain't the granddaddy of all liars! And the little critters of nature, they don't know that they're ugly. That's very funny. A fly marrying a bumblebee... I'd told you I'd shoot, but you didn't believe me, why didn't you believe me???
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy happy joy joy joooooy!
Ren stomps over to Stimpy and grabs him around the neck just as the songs ends.
Stimpy: "Ren, you're... you're angry?"
Ren: "You're darn tootin' I'm angry! I have never been this angry in my entire life!" Ren starts shaking until he looks like he's about to have a seizure when suddenly he stops.
Ren: "Hey... I feel great! I love being angry! Thank you, Stimpy!"
Stimpy: "Happy to be of service...?"
It irises out on Ren laughing insanely.
2 responded with...:
Awesome!
one of the best episodes from the series... too bad John K. wouldnt be the master mind in seasons 3-5 from the old series
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