Oh, Angel! The BEST Cutesy Angel Email Ever!

Early mornings are not my favorite things. I enjoy them about as much as I would enjoy whiskers on kittens or brown paper packages tied up with string. I am not an "It's a Small World" or Tickle Me Elmo sort of person, nor do I find Barney amusing or think those obnoxious "Cutesy Angel Picture and Poem" emails are sweet. Hence, when I opened my email this morning and saw a forward from a dear friend, I had to strongly fight back the hurt to reach across the miles and choke the living shit out of him for sending me a saccharine-coated tidbit from the World Wide Web. Surely he knows me well enough to not send me these things! Holding my temper in check, I opened the email.

Oh, my! "This is an email that needed forwarding," I stated to myself and the dog, tearing my eyes from the picture to so as to better type in the addresses of some friends. The purpose was two-fold. First, everyone should have an angel like this greet them on a Wednesday morning! Second, the words above the angel captured my sentiments on "cutesy" email forwards dripping with sappy poetry and idle threats to my financial success and well-being. My Husfriend would surely not appreciate my fascination with the angel. (Hello Fun Bun! I know you are reading this!) If anything, he might get a tad jealous (but, honestly, Hon, when was the last time you strapped on feathery wings and pranced around in a loin cloth?) He might just ban me from Internet use altogether, thinking my friends to be a tad lusty (don't worry, Hon, their husbands don't wear the loincloth either.) Well, considering one of the guys in his military group uses the picture of a bimbo for his IM icon, he really doesn't have a wing... leg, I mean... to stand on.

I personally collect pictures of angels. No, not the fat ones with baby faces (God knows I hate those!) I collect the more masculine version, usually stained glass images and statues. I have quite a few paintings saved in jpeg format, for no better reason than the fact that angels fascinate me (please do not flood my in box with angel pictures you assume I would like.) My mother collects angel figurines (she doesn't have many cherub ones), and most of hers have feminine faces and features. The female angels are pretty, but I can not picture the Heavenly battle between Michael and Lucifer being fought by two PMSing angels (Hey, God, she stole my chocolate and said this harp makes me look fat!)

And now, with much flourish (on my part), I give you the best "Cutesy Angel" forwarded email ever:

"Ok BE HONEST...

How many of you

REALLY ENJOY

getting little angel love notes from every person
in your address book?

You know the ones...

*I love you so here's a too cutesy angel and some mushy poem to prove it...*

~~ BLEH!! ~~

Like the cute wasn't bad enough,

THEN they FORCE you
by threatening bad luck
if you don't send it on to others
& back to them
to prove you read the email!

A vicious circle!

HERE'S MY VERSION:

YOU'VE BEEN TAGGED BY THE GOOD LUCK ANGEL!

HE'S GOOD LUCK BECAUSE HE PROBABLY MADE YOU SMILE.

I KNOW I SMILED.

WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED TRYING TO SEE UP HIS LOINCLOTH...

WHY NOT SEND THIS ON TO SOMEONE ELSE."